Blogging the Unbloggable

A Somewhat Open Letter to Nabisco

Dearest Nabisco,

Please stop with the latest tidal wave of Oreo "Variatals." It's killing our country.

Certainly, the earlier introduction of Double Stuf and Fudge Dipped Oreos was a welcome change of pace. No one can argue that. But, recent sketchy offerings such as Oreo Double Delight Mint n' Creme and 100 Calorie Oreo Thin Crisps is really pushing the limits of our collective sandwich cookie-related attention span. And you must be out of your goddamn minds if you think anyone's Oreo dollar will be going toward the Oreo Lunchables Fun Snacks.

Please stop diluting the brand of a American classic with over-saturation of the snack market place. At this rate, the public will equate the term "Oreo" with "shameless supermarket shelf-space hog" as opposed to "black guy who acts white."

Please don't make me eat Hydrox,

George

Bucket Of Love - REPLY

--What was it like to work with those kids? Do you stay in touch with them?

The kids were GREAT! The girl was a total pro, and the young boy was hysterical. All he wanted to do was get out of there and go to baseball practice. He was losing focus towards the end of the long shoot, and his mother couldn't 'wrangle' him into paying attention. This was during the dancing segment where he and I are behind the young girl. Since they weren't actually going to use the sound we were creating, I told him "hey, let's make fart sounds while we dance behind her". This made him leap into focus and he and I made fart noises while we danced behind her. This was the last shot of the day, and he went out like a champ. Thank you to the small child within me who still thinks fart noises are freakin' hilarious.

--Was that really you singing?

Not in the recorded final track, no. For some reason I was able to hit the notes, but they had already hired (and paid) a person to do it in the studio, so they told me to lip synch it the whole way.

--Afterwards, did you get to eat the chicken? Or was it "prop chicken?" Or was fried turkey used because it looks "juicer" on television?

It was real chicken. They had a chicken wrangler on set with extra chicken to take crunchy pieces from and 'cement' them on the 'shot chicken' using peanut butter. Honestly, this woman would take crunch chunks from other pieces of chicken and 'glue them' to the 'in the shot' chicken using peanut butter and long tweezers. It was hilarious. We actually ordered from other menus that the commercial people had available to us. I think I had a beef sandwich.

--Was there a wardrobe provided? Or was that all your clothing?

Those were my clothes.

--What is the backstory of the characters? Were you playing their biological dad? Step-dad? Uncle? Older Brother? Or was it something far more complicated?

I was their father. We were singing to Mom as in "hey, take a load off and let us get you some chicken so you don't have to cook on Mother's Day".

--How much creative input did you or the kids have into the final product? (For example, did a cast member recommend the fish-eye lens?"

I just cracked jokes, did bits, and did whatever they told me to do. It was super smooth and easy and we got a lot done in a little time because we were focused most of the time. They were cool kids, cool commercial people, and the house in Bucktown was really niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

I demand a commentary track.

Hope this helps!!

Bucket of Love

A friend of mine was in a local KFC commercial. I posed him the following questions:

--What was it like to work with those kids? Do you stay in touch with them?
--Was that really you singing?
--Afterwards, did you get to eat the chicken? Or was it "prop chicken?" Or was fried turkey used because it looks "juicer" on television?
--Was there a wardrobe provided? Or was that all your clothing?
--What is the backstory of the characters? Were you playing their biological dad? Step-dad? Uncle? Older Brother? Or was it something far more complicated?
--How much creative input did you or the kids have into the final product? (For example, did a cast member recommend the fish-eye lens?"

I also demand a commentary track. I will let you know what he says.