Fox's hit show "24" shows an entire day of federal agent Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) in real-time. Pundits of the show have long wondered how one man can go through all of the rigors of fighting terrorists for 24 straight hours without seemingly partaking in any food, water, or sleep. However, the reality of the situation is much different than at first glance. After careful reviewing (including painstaking frame-by-frame analysis of many key episodes,) we are able to see Bauer resourcefully keeping himself sharp by sneaking in these essential needs.
SEASON 1
4:04 AM: While visiting St. Mark's Hospital with his wife Teri and Alan York, Jack takes a moment to purchase a granola bar from a waiting room vending machine. He eats it immedately.
7:25 AM:
Jack arrives at the power plant. While clearing Jack for entry into the breakfast, Secret Service Agent Pierce asks Jack to open the briefcase. Jack complies and while being screened, he grabs an orange juice and cinnamon roll from the continental breakfast table.
8:45 AM:
While waiting at the construction site with his waitress hostage Lauren, Jack begins to fall asleep. Lauren tries to leave when he wakes up and catches her. After recapturing her, Jack changes his contact solution before the police arrive.
3:42 PM:
At CTU, Milo gives Jack the news that Ellis’ body was found. Jack is surprised when Nina arrives back at CTU since he specifically asked her to watch his family. Jack is also suprised to find a slice of cake in the CTU kitchen leftover from Agent Paulson's birthday celebration the previous day.
SEASON 2:
9:01 AM:
While in transit via helicopter before his latest mission, Jack devours a McGriddle, gulps down a cup of coffee, and loosens up his hamstrings with a portable heat pad.
10:34 AM:
After parachuting from a plane, Jack decides to take a small nap-- knowing that either the impact of hitting the ground or the nearby nuclear explosion will wake him up.
7:17 P.M.
Jack interrogates captured terrorist Syed Ali in the basement of a mosque. Ali won't crack, but he does mention a great place to get fish tacos in the neighborhood. Jack sends an agent to retrieve three fish tacos and a large horchata. Jack claims it's to make the suspect "cave in."
7:46 P.M.
Jack sips on a horchata in front of an irate Ali. Ali finally gives in and explains that the plan is to detonate the nuclear bomb from a plane over downtown L.A. While he calls CTU with the news, Jack cuts his toenails.
SEASON 3:
3:40 PM
Jack passes on an offer of a Powerbar from Chase, knowing through experience that after 24 hours everything will be over. "We can hit the In 'n' Out Burger after this," he mutters.
7:19 AM
Jack goes "dark" for 15 minutes during a conference at CTU. Tony Almeida nudges him awake and offers him a sip of his Grande Cappuchino.
11:40 AM
Realizing he has a heroin problem, Jack stops off at a Methadone clinic while en route to Saunders' building. And an Arby's.
SEASON 4:
1:04 PM
While on his way to follow a lead at Felsted Security, Jack flashes his badge and gun at a passing Elote vendor and gets two cobs with mayo, chile, and lemon. He scarfs them down whle holding the vendor at gunpoint "for his own protection."
7:45 PM
Jack gets Chloe to hack into the computer at Ago Restaurant, one of the trendiest eateries in all of West Hollywood. He demands reservations at 8pm and "a small table near the back."
9:30 PM
Jack gets back to CTU and is immediately repremanded by CTU director Bill Buchanan in his office for abusing his power and "wasting bandwidth with reservation requests" Meanwhile, Jack helps himself to a few fun-size Snickers from a dish on Buchanan's desk.
SEASON 5:
9:07 A.M.
Jack naps at Ontario Airport while doing recon of the terrorists holding hostages. A series of pre-recorded messages that have him saying phrases like "I don’t work for you," "Dammit, I'm running out of time," and "There's no time to explain now" gives CTU the impression that Jack is awake. This goes on until 9:58 A.M.
2:54 P.M.
After the shopping mall is secured from the nerve gas attack, Jack has the Hazmat team hastily decontaminate a Sbarro. "Just to be safe," he says.
3:02 P.M.
While leaving the mall, Curtis notices a red stain on Jack's flak jacket. "You've been hit," Jack nervously claims he's "okay." A breadstick rolls out of Jack's pocket as he enters a Ford Explorer.
4:10 A.M.
Jack grimly looks on as the hazmat teams cart out the bodies of CTU agents killed in the nerve gas attack. He then sheds a tear as they also cart out all of the contaminated food from the kitchen.
Another internet interview with me. Slightly less informative and slightly less embarrassing:
http://www.screenmag.tv/feature.aspx?fid=1063
Supposedly the NSA is keeping a huge data base of all phone calls made in the United States. Who knows if that's true...but I know this:
The database of drunk-dials would be enormous. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: "almost half of Americans aged 12 or older reported being current drinkers of alcohol in the 2001 survey (48.3 percent). This translates to an estimated 109 million people."
I think it's safe to assume that at least 100 million of those people has access and working knowledge of a telelphone. So, to be fair, we can guess that there has got to be in the neighborhood With the previlence of cellullar technology, I can also safely say that we are in the golden age of drunk-dialing.
I would love to hear some of these calls some time. Imagine the raw amount of embarassment and late-night hilarity to be enjoyed from an entire NATION. I'm sure it's enough to power a major metropolis. Or, at least, if the government put all these phone calls on the internet and charged people to listen to them: they could recoup the deficit.
If the US Government doesn't decide to take advantage of this opportunity immediately, that's okay: there is a Plan B. Eventually through the Freedom Of Information Act, these phone calls will be declassified and we'll be able to enjoy millions of desparate booty calls, slurred party directions and other various boozy trash-talk-- courtesy of the Federal Government. It's an unending entertainment resource.
Take a look...I'm "internet famous"...check out this moderately-awkward internet interview with me here at the Chicagoist:
http://www.chicagoist.com/archives/2006/03/06/interview_george_eckart.php